Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Bagels and Manhattans

I had some Kraft Bagel-fuls® recently. I had a coupon and the Teet had them at two-for-one.

They taste like Lender's with industrial cream cheese in them. Not bad, per se, but not real bagels.

A couple weeks ago, I had a conversation with some of my friends and the topic of bagels came up. The friend said that one could get New York grade bagels in Virginia. When I corrected this friend that no, you absolutely cannot get a New York bagel in the DC Metro Area, the friend then asked why people think things are so great from New York.

If you do not think New York bagels are better than other bagels, you are a bagel philistine. You are standing there in bagel Philistia, continually invading us bagel Israelites, and hopefully bagel Samson will come and gut you with the bagel jawbone of an ass.

I don't care if you personally like your steak well-done, your whipped topping non-fat non-dairy, or your cheese whizzed, but to claim that those preferences are better than the established consensus of people who care about food is culinary know-nothingism. Mimi Sheraton hates you, and I just think you're wrong.

So, my friend, please enjoy the Bagel-fuls® as the pinnacle of bagel achievement you so clearly believe them to be. Philistine.

* * *

On the other side of the Israelite/Philistine coin, do not make a manhattan with Kedem brand sweet vermouth. I had the aforementioned drink at a wedding last weekend, and there is really a difference that no maraschino cherry can cover up.


Anonymous said...

I generally agree with your sentiments re: bagel quality, and would add that although you can find New York-style bagels in Virginia, New York-grade bagels are another matter entirely. Then again, I knew from an early age that the bagels that I ate as a child in upstate/western New York were not New York-grade bagels.

However, I will still drink Twinings brand Earl Grey if it's available. Not because I consider it a stellar example of high-quality bergamot tea, but because it provides a reasonable approximation of the same -- and I'll drink it just to spite the annoying tea snobs who give the rest of us a bad name.

bluesleepy said...

And this, my friend, is why I rejected the label of "foodie" as it was applied to me by an old friend. Not that I wouldn't love to be a foodie; I just don't honestly have the background or the inclination to be one. Case in point -- I don't think I've ever had a NY bagel, and it was only this past Sunday that I had real NY pizza, at Grimaldi's, no less.

That said, I do miss Chesapeake Bagel Bakery bagels. Dad used to go up to the shopping center (where Whole Foods is now), grab a dozen bagels, and bring them home on a Sunday morning. Mmmm delicious.