Cheer Peril!

The New York Times has an article out telling us that cheerleading is America's most dangerous sport.

All I can say is, I knew there was a reason Kim Possible's day job was cheerleader. Someone who daily faces the risk of a paralyzing injury for a mere team sport is not going to be afraid of fighting a woman whose hands are on fire.

Also, this is good news for those of us who merely watch cheerleaders. Don't like cheerleaders? Just think of how some of them will not be walking (or alive) by next year. Think cheerleaders are awesome? Just think of them as America's next action heroes/heroines.

Why isn't the Army recruiting cheerleaders more heavily?

Oddities

My father was checking on the internet to see if an the flights advertised in the newspaper beat the prices that he got as "king of the internet," and they did not. I mused as to how cheap it must be to fly on Aeroflot.

Then I said, "while I appreciate having a girlfriend who loves me, it does mean that she prevents me from doing stupid things like flying on Aeroflot" (now safer, they say).

Separately, I got my Metropolitan Museum of Art store catalog, because I flouted Miss Manners's advice and bought a woman jewelry. This season, one of their bestsellers is Abraham Lincoln's hand.

Of course, hearing about the metallic disembodied hand of Abraham Lincoln, the first thing I think of is The Amazing Screw-On Head. Next thought: Hand of Vecna. And then, the Sam & Max game where you use the disembodied hand of Jesse James for just about everything.

It's such a bizarre item.

Bookworms Unite!

As the Passover season approaches, rather than being all good and social justice-y like the lovely ladies of Jewbiquitous, or talking more about my love for Temptee, I will discuss my love for something else: BOOKS.

I love to read. I don't quite know when it happened, but I do enjoy reading. I remember the first time I read "silently" to myself. I remember reading before I went to bed every night as a kid and calling down the stairs to my parents every few minutes because I didn't understand a word's meaning (they'd become more irate and instead of telling me the meaning, they'd tell me to figure it out in context...hmmm...wonder why my out-of-context vocabulary sucks...). I also remember hating that over school vacations or summer break my sister and I were required to read 20 minutes a day. Although, in retrospect, good rule Mom. My parents also used to read to me every night as a little child, and when my dad would work late, my mom read my sister and me chapter books while we ate dinner. It was fun.

Now, as an "adult" I still enjoy reading. My new favorite thing is the NYPL's on-line request feature, which you can request books and they come delivered to your door (well, library). Only problem is, every so often I get over zealous. Like now I am 1/4 of the way through a delightful book (still have 300 pages to go), and have 2 books waiting on the shelf, and 5 (yes, 5!! see the zealous part) waiting for me at the library. I hope I have enough time to read them...

So this Passover season, I will be commuting to NYC 2 days and reading the entire train ride. And reading at work. Cause no one will be there.

More on Krispy Kremeburgers

So, after last night's post about the amazing wheat doughnut, and its possibilities as a bun for hamburgers, I lay in bed thinking about how to try to make the whole concept palatable to the Sherbs, who is right now ill and not thinking very much about food, but even on the best of days does not appreciate a food for pure decadence.

Or foods involving suet, for that matter. (Thank you Emeril for having an example of something the Sherbs would never, ever eat).

Anyway, I was thinking about the bacon-cheeseburger on a whole wheat Krispy Kreme, and I thought - maybe I can make it a veggie bacon cheeseburger! I know Morningstar Farms has a tasty veggie burger (and, in fact, they have one in cheddar flavor if you don't want to add cheese) and also makes veggie bacon.

If you don't use the cheddar-flavored burger, you'd need to use American cheese, as real cheese will fight with the flavor of the doughnut glaze.

As for other toppings, I'm wrought. I like my burgers with onion, tomato, and condiments, but I don't know how they'd go with wheat doughnuts. Maybe Heinz 57 sauce would work - it's like ketchup, but with garlic powder and more raisins.

Well, now I'm hungry.

Less Wheaty Than Expected

I work across from a Krispy Kreme. Usually, I don't even go in, because I would end up buying a doughnut product that I will regret (either because Krispy Kreme's flavor experiments are not always delicious, or because I will eat my weight in whatever I buy), and I do not own stock in the company.

But today, I did in fact enter the House of Kreme, and tried their whole wheat doughnut.

The verdict: just as tasty as the regular doughnut. Of course, unless that's some really enriched flour, the doughnut's nutritional value is not high in anything you want more of, or low in anything you want less of.

But it would probably be a better "bun" for the Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburger made by the same folks who did the deep-fried cheeseburger mentioned a while back.

Sick Day

1) Good job Annie and Aunt L.! They guessed the tee-shirts correctly. Matzah Ball is my favorite.

2) I agree with The Pedant about what he said about Pirates of Penzance. It was very good.

3) Today, I am sick. I usually do not get very sick - not more than a head cold. In middle school and high school I tried to get sick, so as to miss school, but failed. Alas, I needed to learn the ways of Ferris Bueller from an early age.

Therefore, I will probably not post much today. I have eaten nothing exciting (a lot of toast and jam, some pasta last night and ThermaFlu which is disgusting). And, I have a headache. And now--movie time!

The Pirates! The Pirates! Oh Despair!

I, the Sherbs, Stoner, and someone I don't have a clever pseudonym for saw the City Opera's Pirates of Penzance on Saturday night, and it was awesome. It was the first production of Pirates I've seen that acknowledges that everything going on in the operetta is astonishingly silly, down to the concept that there would be swashbuckling pirates off the coast of Penzance at the time when the British navy had dominance over seas far from its shores, much less off the coast of Wales.

Instead, the City Opera gave the whole production a Monty Python-like character, down to giant caricatures and anachronistic references (my favorite was, during the song about the "paradox," there was briefly a slide of Oscar Wilde to illustrate the concept of "an ill-natured fairy"). It was spectacular fun, and if you can still get a ticket to its remaining week in the City, I recommend it.

PassedOVER

All week I've been thinking Passover is this week (it's not, it's next week). Various reasons account for this, none of which are remotely enjoyable to share on this blog. But, it is exciting (relatively) that Passover is approaching. I enjoy it very much. It's always been one of my favorite holidays. Why? Several reasons:

• As a kid, I got to stay up late with the seder (I love staying up late!)
• My mom bought LOTS of junk food - potato chips, jelly fruit slices, marshmallows. Well, that's not so much, but in comparison to the rest of the year, it was an exponential growth
• Temptee Cream Cheese. Mmmm...
• Matzah Ball Soup...with hard-as-rocks matzah balls made by my aunt perfectly each year
  
• School vacation!
• Family craziness

The down side was that I couldn't eat real bread for a week and that my mom became the Passover Nazi with cleaning for weeks before. Our house was so clean, Mr. Clean commercials could be filmed there. Every weekend starting in February was devoted to cleaning the house. And, we were subjected to listening to the same passover record (yes, you heard me, record!) with a weird guy narrating...

However, the upside won each year (my guess: Temptee is actually that good), and Passover reigns supreme as my favorite holiday.

And this year, Stoner found some cute shirts:



Any guesses what they might be...first one to guess the answer gets an undecided prize....

But it's Thursday, not Frieday

In response to The Pedant, no, I do not want to try deep frying a veggie cheeseburger. That's ridiculous. Fried food, for the most part, is just gross*.

If I'm going to eat that many calories, might as well be with cheese or chocolate.

And NOT with Boca burgers. Those things are gross. I'm a Morningstar Farm girl through and thorough.


*The exceptions: Eggplant Parmesan at a restaurant, latkes, onion rings every 10-15 months, tempura ice cream with Stoner, a mozzarella stick once in a while, and diner french fries. Mmmm... Oh, and anything that's Chinese and fried is in a different category. Since it's part of my religion, the calories don't count. Right God?

Worth Apostasy and Death? Maybe.

The new ballpark food from Illinois, the deep-fried cheeseburger, sounds heart-stopping, as well as seriously not kosher.

But it also sounds delicious.

Sherbs, would you try a Boca version?

Bach...to the Future!

A conversation I had with my mother while listening to a classical music station in the car.

ANNOUNCER: That was Johann Christian Bach-

ME: Everyone's second-favorite Bach!

MOM: I prefer Carl Philipp Emmanuel Bach, actually.

And this is why it's always fun to come back to my family.

An Ode to Eggplant

Last night, after a pilates class, Stoner and I cooked ourselves intense sandwiches. These sandwiches contained many of the important ingredients:

• Carbs (bread...mmm)
• Cheese (mozzarella in fact!)
• Onions
• Tomato sauce
• Eggplant

It was quite tasty. Granted, I pulled mine apart and ate it all weird and messy, but still delish. And so, even though I was up in the middle of the night (various reasons, one to be explained later) and am a little cranky today, I believe an Ode to Eggplant is in order, especially since I had some with lunch today. Similar to another ode, this will be an acrostic:

Eggplant - how I love thee!
Great, bit and Delicious
Gas comes forth after consuming you! So stinky, but worth it
Purple in color, delicious in taste
Lovely tasting with tomato sauce and pasta
And Chinese food and just baked in the oven
Never ending is my love for thee!
Tonight I will fart, again.

Holy Cows!

It is known that I like Indian food. So this Saturday instead of drinking beer and eating bland Irish food, I had an Indian food extravaganza!

The night started with a loooong line to see a fantastic movie based on a fantastic book. It was very good, and although my supervisor at work didn't love it, I enjoyed it thoroughly. So good! In preparation for the night, C-Berts , Her Wife and I decided that we'd want to enjoy a feast of Indian food post a movie about Indian cultural identity. Boy, were we right. There was a part during the movie where they were frying samosas and my mouth watered. So C-Berts recommended a tasty spot, and we dined on delicious food. We did have samosas and other goodies. I ate roasted eggplant with onions and peas and it was quite tasty. Mmm....

I don't know why I adore Indian food food as the "ethnic" food of choice. (Granted, we ate Italian as well, until of course the Atkins fad hit my dad.) But I think because I am a so much. I grew up (like so many Jews) eating Chinesevegetarian I enjoy Indian food so much now--so many options! Not just a "pasta and cream sauce [probably made from chicken stock] and a few frozen veggies" but REAL OPTIONS. Hooray! And it's spicy. Mmmmm...

And now for something completely different...

A few months ago I bought white corduroy pants. I am not trendy, don't purport to be trendy, or care about trends even remotely. However, they were on super sale and fit well, so I bought them. I'm wearing said pants, and now feel like a sailor.

I ♥ my Soyuz

My trip to Savannah was via Amtrak, and since it was a 13-hour ride, I got a sleeping car for the way back. The term for the cheap sleeping accomodation I bought is the "roomette," which makes the accomodation sound cuter than it is.

On the plus side, it's a private room with two beds and a door which is soundproof enough to drown out the toddler across the way.

On the semi-minus side, while the seating arrangement is more comfortable than coach class, you get the feeling that you're in a space pod. And it's not just that the Amtrak design comes from the era of Skylab, so all the buttons have that 2001 feel. It's that you have an inconveniently-placed toilet and fold-down sink right next to one of the seats. Just sitting there, in your roomette.

When it comes time to sleep, the seats fold down into one bunk, and another bunk (with crash webbing to keep you from falling out) descends from the ceiling. The bunks have plenty of headroom, but are not much wider than I am.

But night is where's where the Mir-type joy of the roomette comes in: the switches do not always work. Sometimes the overhead lights turn on; sometimes they don't. Sometimes they turn on in the night when you don't want them to, and then there's the mysterious beeping noise.

While it is immeasurably better than trying to sleep through the night in Amtrak coach class, flying is an equally strong option.

Actually Tried Mixed Drinks

Okay folks, it was Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, so I decided to try my Dr. Pepper experiments. Here are the results:

• Dr. Pepper and Captain Morgan's - Fair. Don't really agree, don't quite disagree.
• Dr. Pepper and Disaronno - Also fair. Whichever one there is more of, it tastes like.
• Dr. Pepper and Chambord - Eh. Sort of cough-mediciny. Add vodka, and it would be one of those drinks you give to an impressionable young woman who will not realize the alcohol content of the beverage.
• Dr. Pepper and Kahlua - Almost "good." Coffee and Dr. Pepper are close to complementary flavors.
• Dr. Pepper and Bailey's Irish Cream - Avoid. It sort of tastes like an ice cream float at first, but then the Bailey's starts to curdle. While curdled Bailey's doesn't taste any different, it's got a really grotesque mouth feel.

There are yet more alcoholic drinks to try, but that's what I had little airline bottles of, and even with drinking only part of the mixture and dumping the rest in the sink, I got a little more of a buzz than I really wanted. You'll see me trying again, but not this week.

Eat already! It's getting cold

We have established in the past that The Pedant and I come from Eastern European cultures with distinctive food tastes (i.e., not very spicy and fairly salty). The Pedant recently posted about how our shared culture hates savory foods that are made sweet. His tirade on raisin and blueberry bagels was perfectly pedantic and poignant and I whole-heatedly agree. I do, though, as a lover of the sweets, love sweet kugel as much as I love savory kugel.

Kugel is one of those things only people who have clogged arteries, family histories of clogged arteries and live in a shtetl can appreciate. But, mmm, is it GOOD. Often it comes in the form of potato and noodles. I personally prefer noodle kugel, and was taught by my great-aunt (a Jewish mother par excellence) how to make it with the right amount of love and guilt.

The basic recipe is something like this:

• 1 pound egg noodles
• 6 whole eggs
• 2 sticks of butter
• salt and pepper (savory)
• apples, raisins, sugar (sweet)

See how the arteries clog? She probably put in schmaltz just the way they did in the old country.

I like it sweet, so I'll cut up apples and put in raisins, and the like. Although I haven't made it since high school because a slice of it has the same nutritional value that eating a spoonful of fat.

There has been some advances to the kugel. It seems that the Food Network is even branching out on the traditional kugel. Even Emril has a recipe. But he only puts in 5 eggs. That isn't enough. What, I should go to the store, buy a dozen eggs, make two kugels for 10 people for the holiday and have 2 eggs leftover?! I should just take the money and flush it down the toilet.

Jalapen-NO

Why don't the Auntie Anne's in my area (around the Arsenal of Democracy HQ) have the jalapeño pretzels? They are the best pretzel Auntie Anne's makes.

Of course, my Eastern European heritage is against making savory foods sweet. They only sell the almond, sesame, and raisin pretzels here. I consider raisin pretzels almost as much a blasphemy against pretzels as the raisin bagel (do not get me started about blueberry bagels).

Pineapeño

Today's dinner was fish, which means that the Sherbs was nowhere nearby. I liked it anyway. It was tilapia, baked with pepper, served over rice with a pineapple and jalapeño relish and a honey and balsalmic vinegar sauce.

It was delicious, but I don't know how it would work without some dead animal protein, to which the Sherbs is opposed.

A short search of the Food Network recipe library (you can add it to your Mozilla search tab on this page) reveals that the only pineapple and jalapeño recipe they have is Emeril's "Pineapple Jalapeño Sorbet." And people wonder why I always change the channel when Mr. Lagasse is on.

Seriously, though, the sorbet has a perverse fascination for me. Spicy cold dessert sounds like it shouldn't work, but it just might. Maybe if the sorbet was mixed with some limoncello (lemon would be a complementary citrus flavor to the pineapple), which would make it a dessert which is cold, spicy, and alcoholic, then you'd be talking.

(how to I "peño" everything? HTML special characters, my friend.)

More on Pi Day

As I mentioned to the Sherbs, Pi Day (the best made up holiday since Talk Like a Pirate Day) is best celebrated on 3/14/15 at 9:26:53. (For those not in on the nerdy math joke, click here).

Anyway, Pi Day should be celebrated with a party serving pies. My favorite pie, personally, is the Amish Vanilla Pie, which is sugar and fat in a pie shell, with a crumb topping. It is so horribly unhealthy that it tastes great.

Happy Pie Day!

Dear Readers,

You are cordially invited to spend March 14, 2015 at 9:26 AM with me and The Pedant to celebrate real pi day. We will be serving pie. Because we both like pie. And Pi. We will serve key lime pi, chocolate pudding pi, apple pi, almond vanilla pi, mud pi, Eskimo pi, strawberry rhubarb pi (what is a rhubarb anyway?), lemon maraige pi, and many more.

A Happy Pi Day to You!

(Ed. Note: It's true I didn't add blueberry pi, which I make very well, or banana creme pi, because I personally hate those kinds of pis. Gross! But feel free to bring your own.)

Love,

Sherbs and The Pedant

Spring has Sprung!

This morning, like the mornings of the past few days, I have woken up with my nose itching and my mouth dry. Why? SPRING IS HERE!

As many of you know, I have horrendous allergies. In the past they have been taken care of with shots, nose sprays, eye drops, 2 meds daily, and benedryl for the really bad nights. I have stoped taking most meds because they a) got expensive and b) didn't really help. However, aside from a crippling runny and oft bloody nose, itchy eyes, and random hives on my body (if I ever sit down in a park), I love spring.

Three main reasons:

1. Sandals
2. Long Walks
3. Iced Coffee

Although I often do 2 and 3 together which can be problematic, I find nothing better than a long walk in Spring down Broadway with a friend and a nice iced coffee to cool me down. People watching and laughing at ill-dressed women is also fun. Haha. Mini skirts and ugg boots in 70 degrees. Loser.

So, to celebrate the change in clocks, warmer weather (although tomorrow will be chillier and rainy), I am wearing crocs, and am very happy. I am drinking warm coffee though, mostly because it is cheaper than buying iced coffee.

Literature, and Its Discontents

I like to read on my commute to and from work, at least when I'm not sleeping or writing postcards. I've been having trouble finding books that I want to read close at hand.

Currently, the book that takes up my commuting time is a biography of the Second Earl of Rochester. The book I have is Graham Greene's Lord Rochester's Monkey, which states proudly on its rear cover that it could not be published in the 1930's for fear of being banned as obscene.

More likely, it would be banned for having too many random illustrations scattered about with little regard to making a readable layout or harmonizing with the text. Certainly, in the chapters on Rochester's country estates, there are many pictures of country estates, but few captions. And I'm not sure what a lot of the pictures are for. I haven't been this irritated by incidental art since I stopped playing most roleplaying games.

As for the obscenity, it seems that Lord Rochester had a lot of sex. But it's not like Graham Greene treats it in a manner that would make sex interesting. It's like when I tried to read Lady Chatterly's Lover and stopped on page 18 because the recounting of frequent promiscuous sex by the protagonist was so dull. Lady Chatterly's Lover was banned, probably because only the censors had the patience to read the sex scenes.

He also seems to have been a really dislikable fellow, making fun of friends and enemies, cheating on his wife, starting fights. I'm not sure why we should care at all about him, other than he wrote some clever poetry (like seemingly everyone else around Charles II) and did have an amazing amount of sex by the time he died at age 33. But for jerkiness and sex, we can read about Mao, who actually did some world-changing stuff and had a lot of sex as well.

An Ode to Cheese

Basing off Annie's recent post about Kosher Pizza, which I don't usually care about, I do care about cheese. Which got me thinking about how I really, really, really love cheese. I even had some with my lunch today, and it was go-ood. It was of the ricotta variety, which is just ever so creamy and tasty.

That delicious substance is just so tasty I want to sing it's praises from the rooftops. So, I will write an acrostic:

Cheese is the best.
How I love my cheese.
Every day I try to consume thee.
Every day I gain just a bit more weight from eating so much of you.
So many varieties: from the icky Brie, to the smelly but yummy Gruyere, to the tart Provolone, to the salty Feta, to the holey Swiss, to the melty Cheddar, to the fantastic Ricotta and tasty Parmesan.
Eating such lovely cheese.

(See, I even have a chisatic structure...I'm so good!)

Mmm...Cheese...

While I lambasted The Pedant this morning for his post about a party my sister and I threw for my parents, I did tend to agree with his thoughts about the food. I should also point out that his help was unparalleled, and without him we wouldn't have known what to serve, had a delicious sangria, and had a generally jovial person there. The food was bought from a local supermarket with sufficient Jewy value and served Whitefish Salad, Salmon Salad, Tuna Salad and Egg Salad, bagels and the sides: coleslaw, potato salad, pasta salad, pickles. And I agree that the salads were all too mayo-y. And I like mayo, so for me to say that...wow.

I did get to cook a bunch for this weekend. For a Friday evening dinner, I made a three bean salad, which was quite tasty. I think the key was lemon juice, basil and edamame. I love me some edamame! I also spent all of Thursday night baking chocolate chip cookies and butterscotch brownies (with chocolate chips). And, they were a H-I-T hit. Mmmm...

Starch n' Mayo - The Possibilities

Sherbs and I had a party today, and included in the prefab party platters we got (we were kinda lazy, unlike the last time, where we ended up baking for a half hour after the guests came and I was burning my fingers on mini pizza bagels - such delicious pain) were bowls of macaroni salad.

"Macaroni salad," in this instance, meaning elbow macaroni, shredded carrots, and mayonnaise. It was fair; a better than industrial mayo would have put it into the "almost good" category.

Still, at its best, it was British food bland. I initially suggested to improve it to add red onions and olives, but the Sherbs, she does not love the olives.

So, instead, I think we should start from scratch with the macaroni salad, and make it more like a German potato salad. Not the Oscar Meyer kind, which is all vinegar and bacon (although Bobby Flay's version of the same, with a smoky meat substitute instead of the bacon, added at the end, might be okay), but the sauce in the version I found on Chow.com, which has mustard, is more what I'm looking for.

Evidently, all German potato salad recipes on the 'net have bacon. I buy mine from the supermarket, and they don't put it in there, possibly so that Jews and Muslims can share in the Teutonic salady goodness.

So, anyway, other than the bacon, that's what I'd mix with the macaroni - a mustard/vinegar mixture with red onions and green onions. If we needed texture, I'd also add sweet bell pepper bits, I think.

Chickety China the Chinese Chicken

On the subject of Chinese food, I should really profess my love for it. As a kid, my sister used to say my family ate Chinese food so much that one day we were all going to transform into egg rolls. While that hasn't happened...yet...I really must profess my love for Chinese food here.

SO MUCH LOVE FOR CHINESE FOOD!

I, however, am just not a big fan of rice. (Sorry, The Pedant.) For my pan-Asian carb of choice, I enjoy noodles. Any way: sauteed, fried, soaked, thin, thick, cellophane, whatever. My most favorite, and one of the most un-healthiest, is Cold Noodles and Sesame Sauce (aka Chinese Spaghetti, what I called it as a kid). Mmmm...

In fact, I wish I were eating that right now....mmmmm...

More on Beef n' Broc

Since I spent some time talking to Sherbs about the proper way to make beef and broccoli, even with soy "steak strips" (it includes cornstarch), I thought I should interject here that Chinese food is always better with just enough starch. Also, chili pepper.

Back before we were eating healthy, my mother used to make something called "double-fried noodles," where she'd make noodles, then fry the noodles in a pan so they had crispy outsides and a soft, noodly center. This would be served as an accent to another Chinese dish, like kung pao chicken. Man, I'd like to have some of those noodles again.

Although, on second thought, my trips in the East have taught me the value of a good white rice. Goes with anything.

What Flies over a Bay?

Food wise, nothing super exciting going on today. I actually had basically the same food today as I did yesterday. I did get to treat myself to a bagel this morning rather than the fat-free yogurt I've been eating each morning. And boy, I love bagels! Mmmm... All that carby goodness put together with cream cheesy deliciousness, I actually can't think of anything better.

Oh! I have it! I shall blog about....BAGELS!

According to this sometimes reputable site, bagels are eastern European in origin. Wait a tick, so am I! And, since I grew up culturally Jewish in a NYC suburb, I learned to properly eat babels at a ripe young age: at least once a week, not toasted, and NEVER Cinnamon-raisin. (Yes, yes, some people do like Cinnamon-raisin bagels. I laugh at them. To their face. Ha-ha.) Then, you place the remaining bagels sliced in the freezer. Cause all good Jews freeze. Everything.

Some people eat lox on their bagels. I HATE fish, so I don't.

But perhaps there is nothing better in life than a fresh everything bagel filled with an obscene amount of scallion cream cheese.

And never from a cart. They may be cheaper, but the cream cheese is a solid block and just not as good. Ick.

Mmm...Feat...

When I was 11 going on 12, I became a vegetarian. (I still am, in fact, with a short interlude when I ate chicken and turkey in college.) My parents thought this was ok, but my mother, in classic my mother, said: "Do what you want Sherbs, but I'm not cooking a special dinner for you. You'll eat what I make." So I learned to become a non-crazy vegetarian. That is the kind that "real" vegetarians cringe at: I eat things cooked in meat, soups with a meat stock, things that are touching meat, etc. As a kid, my mom basically stuck a veggie burger in the same pan of chicken. And I ate it. And enjoyed it.

Although, when I became a vegetarian, my family was opened up to the world of textured vegetable protein. Now, since my ancestral home is kosher, we could have cheese on taco night! And peperoni pizza! And bacon cheeseburgers! And turkey and cheese sandwiches! (My father always likes to say that he's treifing it up. I always make fun of him for saying that every time.) I then, in my infinite punniness, labeled these delicacies "Feat" from "fake meat." (See what I did--I took the F from fake and the Eat from meat and...oh never mind, it's cute!)

All this talk about TSP brings me to my lunch: (fake) Beef and Broccoli. And although I haven't eaten real beef and broccoli in at least a decade, it was quite tasty. I dredged the feat in corn starch, soy sauce and hot and spicy Szechuan and sauce, browned them, and then sauteed onionsbroccoli (duh) and cooked it all together. Mmmmm...

Odd Foods

I know work for The Pedant remains busy. For me, though, it has gotten easier again (regardless of annoying people). So back to blogging!

Today's topic: Odd Food Combinations.

Last night, while Smel and Stoner were cooking up sandwiches, I enjoyed leftover egg drop soup and a quesadilla (of sorts). Individually, the foods are delicious. (The quesadilla was made with a tortilla, a few onions from the sandwiches, lite cheddar cheese and ricotta cheese, so it was only sort of a quesadilla.) Oh, and before dinner, I enjoyed a pickle.

Now, I love making odd combinations. For lunch on Saturday, I ate humus and refried beans with lettuce after eating french toast. I will often eat meals with 2 or 3 parts, that separately make people gag yet make me incredibly happy. I don't really know why I do it, but I do, and it is always tasty. Yum!

Leaning Tower of Pizza

Anyone who has talked to me in the past few days knows there was supposed to get a pizza party at work, but for various reasons, it was postponed. I was bummed. But today, we had the pizza party! (Why? Because I made lunch last night.) And, boy, for kosher pizza, it was tasty.

It actually came from the cafeteria (go fig!) and it contained the 3 things I deem necessary for pizza:

1. Lots of cheese
2. A good amount of crust that isn't too dry
3. a very tasty tomato sauce

That sauce was very good. So good, in fact, I ate 2 slices. It was full of oregano and very fresh.

I relatively hate canned tomato sauce. I grew up with my mom making her own, with lots of garlic, and lots of hot pepper. So that's how I learned to make it. Thinks made from a can when it's easier, healthier, and MUCH tastier to make yourself I think are cop-outs. This holds true for tomato sauce, cake, cookies, some soups. It never holds true for macaroni and cheese from a box. That stuff is awesome! And as much as some days you want a good, cheesy, greasy slice of NYC pizza, sometimes a better made one is just what I need.

Mmmmm...

In the Papers

I got two entries printed as honorable mentions in the Washington Post's "Style Invitational" weekly humor contest. For whatever reason, they really seem to love my smacks at the Administration, even though I like my less political humor better.

In mixed drink news, Annie over at Jewbiquitous gave out some really good gift baskets (there is a religious term which I will not use for ease of reading for all of you laypeople out there) for the Jewish holiday of Purim, and I don't just say that because we share some degree of consanguinity, or because she also likes hamentaschen (traditional Purim cookies) with poppy seed filling, so I am not the only one (Sherbs is not a fan, sadly). She gave out vodka and V8 to make bloody Marys.

I am totally in favor of giving out more liquor on the holidays. When I was in Hong Kong, sometimes they'd take shots of vodka and scotch into the synagogue for in-service drinking. It was awesome.

Still no progress on the Dr. Pepper project. Will keep you posted.

The Anticipation Builds

I purchased yesterday a 2 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper. I haven't found a good time yet to mix it with anything, but I have sorted out all my airline-size bottles of things, and soon I will. You'll see the results.

I'm looking forward to Iron Chef with mixed drinks tonight.

Delicious Foods With Asparagus

Today I had asparagus broiled with garlic so that the asparagus was a little toasted on the outside, and covered with minced garlic. Very tasty.

Don't Piss on my Leg and Tell me it's RAINING

Some of you may know I work in a [university redacted] library. It's a fun way to make money. It gives me some time to blog, health benefits and a relative enjoyment of my job.

Every so often, though, I get some particularly cantankerous and annoying people. Some highlights of questions I am asked:

"Can I take out books with my NY Public Library Card?"
No, moron, we're a uni[explative deleted]versity!

Idiot: "This book, [Title] is on reserve. Can you get it for me?"
Sherbs: "Do you have a call number?"
I: "Well, no. But can you get it for me?"
S: "Get me a call number"
I: [rolls eyes]
S: [under breath] "You are a complete and udder idiot. How did you make it this far in life?!"

"Can you go and pull this book for me?"
No, dumbass, I can't. I have other things to do with my time. Go get it yourself.

[ED NOTE, Background: In order to keep things running smoothly, I've been sending out emails to patrons with overdue books or large fines.]

And, today, the pièce de résistance: an actual email:

Dear Sherbs,

I returned the book yesterday to the container outside the library entrance.

I would just like to say that I am astonished to be receiving an overdue notice after 40 days! All the other university libraries send out a courtesy notice on the or around the day the book is due to give a patron a chance to return it immediately. I think [institution redacted] library purposely withholds the overdue information from its patrons in order to take a financial advantage on them.

Best regards,
Superdumbasswhodoesn'tevengohere

May I just say, WHAT? Be responsible, please. Not our fault you're a month late. Rememberyou had to do this yourself? No? Why? Oh! You're an idiot. Of course!

My Hat Has 3 Corners and Chocolate

Ack! Work has been busy for The Pedant and me, which is probably why we aren't posting as much as we used to. Perhaps one day our lives will calm down? I'm not sure...

I did, however, last night find some time to get together with Smel, Stoner, Preppy, and Smel's Mantastic Man to bake humantaschen. Now, there's an activity worth blogging about. Granted none of them had Dr. Pepper, although Smel did eat humantaschen and DDP for breakfast (I had rice crispies, her breakfast was probably more delicious).

[Offensive part start]

Now, I think Purim is a stupid holiday based off of a very ironic and humours biblical book. (For a bibliography about the ironies and satire in Esther, please email me.) Therefore, since the holiday is based on a parody of Jews in Exile and has no theological basis, it is not one of my favorite holidays. And, I no longer love dressing up in costume. Or care about megillah reading. I usually participate in festivities because I work for Jewish youth and have no choice...

[Offensive part end]

I do LOVE humantaschen. They are cookies and we all know I like those. And homemade cookies are stellar. So are store bought ones, unless they have poppy seeds. Only old men and The Pedant enjoy those. Last night, we had fun making humantaschen with no trace of poppy. We used strawberry jam, apricot jam, Hershey's kisses (milk and dark chocolate), peanut butter cups and peppermint patties. Some even contained a combo of 2 of the aforementioned fillings. Some of them had cocoa powder mixed into the dough for extra caloric goodness.

Now, if there is something you want to try one day, it's baking with a peppermint patty. They get all gooey and the insides start spilling out. It's amazing.

Now you are all invited over to consume many delicious humatashen.

Learning from the Computer

A few weeks ago, Smelz told me about a website. Yesterday at circa 5 PM I preceded to get very bored (what happens when you stay at work 10 hours instead of 8) and visit the website. I played a game that is quite interesting, and fairly baffling.

Who knew the US has so many big states in such odd places?!! Not me!

I hail from New York, in a suburb of the city and the last 6 years living in the city itself. I have even ventured away from the city; I have been to (in no particular order): California (although only LA and San Diego), Rhode Island, New Jersey, Minnesota (go figure, right!?), Illinois (although only Chicago), Ohio, Connecticut, Maine, Vermont, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania (well, Philly), South Carolina, Georgia (even to Savannah, well, for a day), Virgina, West Virginia (also for a day, that's more than you need), Maryland, Delaware (well, driving through at least), Florida, North Carolina, Louisiana, Michigan, and Kentucky (well, the airport into Cincinnati is there...). Notice anything? Not many Midwestern or southwestern, or southern states...

However, after playing the 50 States Game, I had NO IDEA the size of some states. Did you know Montana is HUGE? And did you know Indiana is kind of north? I always figured it was south? And it's really difficult when the first state they give you is Utah. Go put that in the right place. Ha! I had no idea it was near Colorado! I also always figured Colorado was north, cause it's cold. But, no, it's not!

(ED. NOTE: Sherbs is not an idiot. She is fairly smart and prides herself on know all the states and their capitols (thanks to TV...), and does actually know some things about geography. Well, now she knows more cause she wants to get 100% on a computer game...)